Over the summer of 2019 and for the first time in a long time, I felt an overwhelming sense of God’s presence in a place I felt it was least likely to happen. I was at work, and I was whining because I was tired and tired of working there. I was complaining about my work hours and everything I could think of. But this complaining was not limited to just this day, but to many days prior. I had traveled down a path of darkness and I had no idea how consumed I was. I was letting my circumstances and my lack of success (in my eyes) overwhelm me. I had questioned for a long time why I was on earth, and if living was even worth it. I told myself that people were better off without me and that there was no purpose for me, at work, or in life. My music seemed like it was going nowhere and my life seemed like it was going nowhere. My depression had spiraled downward a few days prior, and I was still recovering.
I was at work when suddenly, through a series of events including helping to save a life, I realized how utterly wrong I was. I suddenly understood that God is everywhere, working in every circumstance and every person, no matter how big or insignificant they may seem. I realized that I had spent so much time looking vertically— at my circumstances, at my failed relationships, at my own flaws— that I forgot to look up.
Every so often, I still have to be reminded to look up, that God is still amid my ashes creating beauty. If he can make beauty for ashes for me, then he can do it for you.